The Study of Doctrine Will Improve Behavior Quicker

In Oct. 1986, Boyd K. Packer said "The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior."

I have struggled to really believe this quote in the past, when I would read relationship books with practical ideas and find those appear easier to implement than studying the gospel. For example, it seemed easier to work off a list of ways to show love to others than it is to simply "love one another."

While relationship books really can help, the belief that you can build a good relationship simply by crossing off to-do's on a list is more like treating a symptom than curing the cause.

The beginning of Boyd K. Packer's quote is often not quoted with the rest, but it's the most important part. It is "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior." If we REALLY understood true doctrine, then our hearts would be changed and we would be doing those things on the list for the right reasons.

Of course doing things for the wrong reasons isn't always wrong. It is never wrong to be kind or to do what is right. And the more we do them, the more we become them. It's just that we must truly understand that we are children of Heavenly Father, and as such, we have great worth. When we truly understand that, we have faith. Faith is an action word; when we have faith that we are children of Heavenly Father, we will act as he would want us to.

That's why it's so important to center our lives around faith-building activities. That's how our children will grow up to have faith and make the changes they know they need to.

Relationship books can really help with implementation ideas. But unless our hearts are changed and we have faith, it will be just going through the motions.

An Epiphany about "Inspire not Require"

One of the seven great keys of teaching from TJED says "Inspire, not Require." It is by far the most controversial as well as probably the most important. Most people, when they first hear this, think that it means to "unschool" your children. They look at the "not require" part and think that you shouldn't teach your children anything - just let them do whatever the like! Inspiring would be great, but they are not really sure how. Perhaps an external motivation like stickers is what this means - and then they try it but feel like that is really not that inspiring.

As they begin to read the classics ("Classics, not Textbooks" is another key), they find that there is a much bigger picture here. All of these classics are teaching the same story! The story of ordinary people who overcome difficulties and failures but are driven to accomplish the task they knew they were supposed to do (albeit didn't necessarily want to do.) That is a great way to inspire when you encourage your children to apply it to themselves! They are meant to be heroes in this life, and God has a mission for them. When they understand that, they will be motivated to want to do what it takes to improve themselves to be able to accomplish that mission.

It took me years to come to that understanding. But today I had an epiphany about this. Last night I had been studying in my scriptures about how faith is a principle of action. Faith more than just belief; it is more like a hope or belief in something that is strong enough that it causes action. The light bulb went on! I've been pondering much on agency, stewardship, inspiring and motivating others that I realized how this all connected with faith.

You CAN require things of children so that they learn. But it is so much better when they can choose to learn things themselves. Then they learn and improve (or not!) for the right reasons; not to please their parents, get good grades or to impress peers. Rather, the right reason is because they have faith and take action according to their faith.

The best way to inspire someone to do the great and hard things that they should be doing, would be helping them to build faith in Christ. Faith in Christ leads to action - action in becoming the people He wants us to be. But we must allow for agency, or else their motivation to improve may not be based in faith. In "Agency Education", Neil Flinders says agency education is character education.

In TJED, there are 4 phases of learning. When children are young (about ages 0-8) - it is the "core" phase in which children are taught character through faith and obedience. The next stage (about 8-12) is the love of learning phase, where children learn to love to learn through faith, obedience and agency. And then the third childhood phase is (about ages 13+) is the scholar phase, where children who have had great younger phases are prepared to use their agency to begin the process of *choosing* to study hard to improve themselves because of their faith. Not because of their parents, peers or grades.

Another part of this epiphany was that because it really comes down to building faith, that is really why many different parents following many different methods can be successful using the TJED principles. And it became more clear to me that this is HOW to inspire: continually build faith in Christ from the time they are small.

The 8th key to great teaching was added later. It is "Trust the Process." I have understood this to mean that you should trust yourself and your promptings. I never liked that phrase either, though, because I also felt it meant to trust TJED and all of its seemingly detailed instructions. But I connected that too with faith. To me, an even better way of understanding this is to have faith. Faith in Heavenly Father's plan, and that the actions you make because of faith are the right ones in teaching your children. Faith in your children, because they are children of God. And having faith in them show them that.

It all comes down to FAITH.

This was a great epiphany to me, although maybe this is really obvious to everyone else. ;)

Potty Training Motivation

I think we finally got it figured out! Yes, I've potty trained 6 other kids, but they are all different, for sure.

I first tried potty training Snickerdoodle about 6 months ago. I conveniently placed training potties around the house (visual cues). I promised an m&m for simply sitting on the potty (reward), and a sticker on his chart for each time he went (reward). I even promised a sword when the sticker chart was full (another reward.) (I didn't promise these ALL at first, I kept adding them...)

Then I ran out of diapers. He had to wear underwear (to encourage personal motivation.) We went cold turkey. The way this turned out: He didn't care in the least when he tinkled on the floor and got wet legs and screamed every time we went near the potty. I was calm, cleaned up the mess, asked him if he would just sit on the potty for the reward but he wasn't having it. After five days, I decided this was not going to work.

The next time I tried potty training Snickerdoodle was about 3 weeks ago. Same deal, but I thought to add positive peer pressure of having big brother Oatmeal show him how to shoot cheerios in the potty. I quit after a day and a half. Until he had his own personal motivation, it wasn't gonna happen.

I told him that I wasn't going to let him potty train anymore. He was fine with that.

A few days ago, I took him on a shopping trip to Costco. I noticed a display of seriously awesome Lego star wars and Spiderman underwear. I strategically walked near and looked at a pack of underwear. Snickerdoodle says, "Hey! Is that for me?" I said, "No, it's for Oatmeal's birthday." Of course he decides he really wants some. And they didn't really have it a big enough size for Oatmeal - plus I'm pretty sure 11 year olds wear don't go for that kind of thing anymore anyhow. :) So I "reluctantly" decide to buy him some, telling him that if I get them he'll have to be potty trained or else we'll have to bring them back to Costco for some other boy to have.

He nags me for a day to be potty trained. I make him wait. The next day, I let him wear a pair of his new undies, but tell him that he doesn't want his awesome new undies to be wet so he'll have to use the potty. A hour later, he misses. I give him a bath and have him sit on the potty just in case there's any more. And he actually goes! Ok, it was about three drops, but a success! He gets a high five and a words of acclamation. He totally remembers all those rewards I promised him. And he gets his m&m and a sticker.

A few hours later, I tell him that he probably doesn't want to get his awesome undies wet so maybe he should go sit on the potty. He wants to do it himself and I can't come. He yells for me - and guess what? He did it! More praise, m&m & sticker.

A few hours later, I hear him yelling for me. He'd gone all by himself and didn't even bother to tell me.

Today he did great. At one point, he told me he just wanted to wear his diapers again. I knew what that meant, so I said "Nope, you'd better just go on the potty." And he did.

Yup, the personal motivation thing is the way to go. He's not totally set with potty training, but this is HIS idea now and he will be really soon.

Exercise

You probably wouldn't guess it by just looking at me, but I really hate exercising. Or at least I did till I figured out a few things.

(1) Running doesn't have to make you feel like you're about to die. You can take a break and start walking when that feeling comes on.

(2) Running by yourself is nice because then no one judges you at how slooooow you go.

(3) When running, you can listen to whatever you want to, it doesn't have to be kid's stories or songs.

(4) 15 minutes a day is plenty.

(5) As long as Mom feeds the baby before she runs, they are both happy.

(6) Running is nice because you don't have to watch the same perky lady leading your exercise video.

I have quite enjoyed being able to listen to talks or seminars in the morning. And this morning I ran with my 6 year old daughter. She's just about my speed. Well, maybe she's a little faster.

I have LOTS of culture!

My kitchen has been going crazy lately with the culturing. I have cultured:

Buttermilk - how easy is that! You buy real cultured buttermilk from the store (Winder Dairy brand in utah.) Then you put four tablespoons of buttermilk in a quart jar. Fill it to the top with whole milk, put a lid on and shake it. Leave it on the counter overnight. The next day you'll have thick, creamy buttermilk.

Water Kefir & Milk Kefir - I think I'm finally getting the water kefir grains to multiply. And I learned that kefir actually has something or another in it that kills off candida yeast.

Villi & Filmjolk - These are both thermophilic yogurts. That just means you can set them on the counter and they turn into yogurt. Not heat dependent! Villi is a Finnish strain of yogurt and Filmjolk is Swedish. Truthfully, I can't tell the difference.

Yogurt - I haven't been making this so much since I've been doing all the countertop culturing, but I do like the creamy texture better than villi or filmjolk. If you click the link, that's how I do it. Although I often add 2 packs of gelatin first. I let it sit for 5 minutes, then whisk it in. Then I start heating it up.

Next up, I'm going to have to start culturing condiments and veggies!

Blessings from living the law of stewardship: Abundance

Part 12 of the series on stewardship...

Living the principle of stewardship helps us in many ways. It teaches us organization and allows us to be prepared. We learn patience when we remember that we are in this to teach our children stewardship; keeping the room clean or learning piano is secondary. It helps us to be grateful for what we have been given, and not to covet other's stewardships. It also helps us to have an abundance mentality. We don't have to be greedy or keep it all for ourselves.

Steven Covey says:

“Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as having only so much, as though there were only one pie out there. And if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everybody else.

The Scarcity Mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life. People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit – even with those who help in the production. The also have a a very hard time being genuinely happy for the success of other people.

The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flow out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.”

It is the abundance mentality that truly helps us live the principle of stewardship and the mentality that we gain as we live the principle of stewardship.

The better we manage our stewardship, the happier we are. And not only will we be helping to build up Zion, but we will be saving ourselves. D&C 51:19 say "And whoso is found a faithful, a just, and a wise steward shall enter into the joy of his Lord, and shall inherit eternal life."

I wanna be there. Do you?

Teaching Stewardship of Money, Work and Possessions

Part 9 of the series on Stewardship

Many experts say that money is the leading cause of divorce in America. Actually I think that not knowing how to manage money and fighting about it is probably the real cause. :) Learning to manage money is a great skill to have and also helps in future relationships.

Sometimes we overlook teaching our children to manage money. I get a lot of people asking how we do it in our family, so this is what we do in a nutshell:

We give our children a stewardship over things they must purchase, and then allow them the agency to earn the money to purchase those things. Our children are responsible for purchasing their own clothing from the time they turn 8 years old. They also must earn their own spending money. We, their parents, will pay for most educational and sporting activities, including any uniforms needed. Our children REALLY like getting underwear for their birthday or socks for Christmas!

We then teach them to budget their money using the envelope system. They each have their own box with envelopes inside. The envelopes are for 10% tithing, 10% giving, 40% savings and 40% spending. They divvy the money up into their envelopes right away, or just put it into the box and wait until they get change. Occasionally we'll take the savings envelope to the bank and let them deposit it. I love Dave Ramsey's books like The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness and Financial Peace program for learning to manage money, and we have our teenagers take Foundations in Personal Finance (Financial Peace for teens). (Dave Ramsey's kid's books are fun, but not really necessary.)

The HARDEST part is letting them earn their own money. The kids have chores they do every day because they are part of the family; they don't get paid for those. After those are completed, they can earn money doing extra jobs. I used to pay per job, but I finally decided I wasn't very good at estimating how long things take, so I pay them $5/hr (and they have to be working hard during that time.) Quite truthfully, they rarely take me up on this. They'd rather be entrepreneurs.

We encourage our children to be entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurship teaches so many great qualities: self-reliance, hard work, self-discipline, and money management. This is hard work for the parents as well as the child! The parent has to be there to give help and motivation when they want it. And the parents also have to let the child fail when the child refuses help (but you can see they need it.) Most people think there isn't much kids can do, but there is plenty. And most people are willing to help kidpreneurs out. You and your children must open your minds to believing that it can be done. Some of our successful ventures: Lawnmowing, yard work, lawnmower tuneups, teaching classes, shoe shining, selling girl's accessories online, babysitting and more. Google "business ideas for kids" and you'll come up with a lot!

I think a family business would be wonderful too. We just haven't come up with one that would work yet.

The eldest son, Chocolate Chip, has almost enough to pay for a mission, and is hopefully going to have enough scholarship money to pay for school. He is pretty sure he'll pay cash for a house someday. Teen daughter Pepparkakor is motivated to earn and has become very handing in refashioning clothing from the thrift store. Oatmeal prefers to save all his money and not ever purchase any new clothing (instead wearing tshirts and shorts everywhere.) He was thrilled recently when someone was giving away pants in his size. Sugar is just getting into all of this, and works with Pepparkakor on a business.

Obviously you don't necessarily want to copy our family's method, but you DO want to have a plan on how you will teach your children to manage money.

Other ways to teach work is through chores. Offer love, help, praise as needed, then follow through and hold them accountable. Kids don’t do what you expect, they do what you inspect.

On possessions: Some kids are packrats. Oh yeah, some adults are too! (Like me!) I've been trying hard to do a clean out at least once or twice a year. I figure a goal of getting rid of 1/2 our possessions each year is really not that insane since we keep getting more. Of course I never do, but it's a nice goal. I also try to give the children opportunities to help the poor and needy with their things by donating some toys.

Teaching Stewardship of Talents

Part 8 of the series on stewardship.

This is a hard one to balance. Children have things that they are good at and like because they are good at it. However, if they are pushed too hard, they will not enjoy it anymore and it won't matter if they're good at it. There may be certain areas that they express interest in but when they find out it takes hard work, they don't want to do it any more. I think this is where using your "spiritual eyes" comes in - so you can help your child stick to it, or let them make the decision to give it up. It's certainly better if a child has ownership of an activity, but if we keep letting them start things and then quit things, they will have a hard time learning to work hard and keep commitments. That's why it's so important to be prayerful about it.

Also, we need to make sure we don't overschedule our kids! They don't need to be experts in everything all at once. It's generally best to work on a few talents at a time.

When we first moved to Utah, we tried to network with other homeschoolers. One of the first activities I noticed on our email list was a theater group. I really felt like this is what we needed to do! I signed up the two oldest (then ages 7 & 9) and they fought me the entire way. They were both shy and did NOT want to do this. I had a newborn and a toddler, but we did it any way. They complained about going to every single practice right up until the performance. We had made the commitment, so we kept attending.

Something magical happened that night. Both kids had caught the theater bug! Right after the performance, they both were already begging me to do another show. From this theater experience, we all made some great life-long friendships as well.

Another example is the story of Oatmeal, who really wanted to learn to play the piano until he learned that it takes hard work of practicing. (I told that story here.) It wasn't till HE decided that he was supposed to be learning the piano and that to do so, he'd have to practice, that his attitude changed. He's like a different kid when practicing piano for the last few weeks. He even made the goal on his own to have a complete piano chart.

Teaching stewardship of Relationships

Part 7 of the series on stewardships...

We all have a stewardship for the relationships in our life. I believe it's this stewardship that teaches us to become the most Christlike. As we strive to become unselfish in our relationships, we become more charitable.

The rules for relationships are very simple. In fact, it's just the first two commandments: Love the Lord God and Love thy neighbor as thyself. D&C 88:123-124 says "See that ye love one another; cease to be covetous; learn to impart one to another as the gospel requires... cease to find fault one with another."

All we have to do is two things and not do two things. Simple, right? Yes, but not easy!

King Benjamin said in Mosiah 4:15 "Ye will not suffer your children ... that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another and serve the devil, who is the master of sin... But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another."

For practical ideas, I like Nicholeen Peck's Teaching Self-Government, Keri Tibbet's parenting article, and The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts / The Five Love Languages of Children.

Teaching Stewardship of Bodies

Part 6 of the Stewardship series...

D&C 88:123-134 says "... cease to be idle, cease to be unclean, cease to sleep longer than is needful, retire to they bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.”

Of course the best way to teach this is through example. And the early to bed, early to rise thing is really hard for moms! That doesn't really get us out of it; however I believe the Lord knows what we can do. And when babies are making it difficult for mom to keep to a regular sleep schedule, the kids can still be responsible for getting themselves up in the morning as the case may be.

We need to teach proper hygiene. If you teach your children BEFORE they need things like deodorant, it'll be much less embarrassing for them. My 11 year old thinks it's pretty funny when I tell him he'll have to start wearing deodorant so people will still want to be around him in a year or two.

Exercise is another tough one for me. Luckily my husband is super good at that and takes the kids with him. I do too, when I'm on a good exercise streak...

Have you ever stopped to consider how important food must be in our lives given that we must spend soooo much time on it? Without food, we wouldn't have to spend time: planning for it, buying it, putting it away, preparing it, cleaning up after it, eating it, etc. A mother spends A LOT of time in this one area every day. It must be REALLY important, dontcha think? So I think it's worth my time to learn these things well, and to prepare the highest-nutrition food I can. And then teach the children to eat it and prepare it themselves.

In fact, bodies themselves are central to the father's plan. Elder Bednar's talk, "Things as They Really Are" is an incredible article about this. It gave me a lot of new insights about bodies. You should read it.

Teaching Stewardship of Self

Part 5 of the Stewardship series...

I think the best way to look at stewardship of self is to teach children to govern themselves. What does that mean? It means that children have enough self-control and agency to be able to make correct choices.

The best resource I know of is Nicholeen Peck's Teaching Self-Government. She has a great book that explains her system, and a full-fledged implementation course.

Can your children:
Follow instructions calmly?
Accept a no answer or criticism calmly?
Accept a consequence calmly?
Disagree appropriately calmly?

If not, you need Nicholeen's expertise!

And I need to revisit Nicholeen's expertise!

More thoughts on motivation

A couple of other thoughts on motivation --

Teaching children to learn to listen to the spirit is an extremely important skill. And even more important is to act on what the spirit tells you to do. Son "Oatmeal" begged to learn to play the piano and I finally let him a year and a half ago. Every few months, he starts complaining that he hates the piano. What he doesn't like is the practicing! He complains and says he wants to quit. In this case, I usually just ask him to pray about it. Once he has prayed about it, he can decide if that's really what Heavenly Father wants him to do. Amazingly enough, every time, he has come back and says, "Ok, fine. I'm supposed to play the piano." And he starts practicing without complaint again. When my daughter Sugar complains, I tell her to do the same. But she says, "No! I don't wanna know the answer!" So until she gets the answer that she should quit, she's just gonna have to keep playing. I'm pretty sure she already knew the answer.

Sometimes we do have to use short term external motivators. Parents should prayerfully consider which ones and when to use them. In the book, Ender's Shadow (Ender, Book 5)
, the students are being trained in space battles. They have a big board that lists the top scoring students. However, the teachers noticed that the real leaders were not the ones that cared about the scores on the big board, or winning every battle, but the ones who cared about actually winning the war. Motivations can change; however we must be careful that the main motivation is not the short term reward.

My oldest son Chocolate Chip, wanted to learn to play the piano. He didn't like his piano teacher who tended to give him songs like "Love Songs After Dark" (he was 13 at the time!) He felt like he should quit, but he still wanted to learn the piano. So we made a deal that he would just practice daily the songs he wanted to learn and he wouldn't have to go to piano lessons. He still had a hard time practicing the piano, though. He would much rather play a computer game. We worked out a deal where he practiced his piano for at least 15 minutes and he could play an equal time on the computer. Soon he was practicing daily for 30 or 45 min without complaining. Then I cut the time in half - he’d have to practice 2x as much as the game time. Eventually, he got good enough that he decided he actually preferred playing piano to playing the computer. This helped him learn to put in the hard work of practicing so that his motivation changed.

W. Edward Deming studied management theory and wrote lots of books about improving manufacturing processes. A key point of his was to incentivize the process rather than the goal. If you incentivize the goal, then the process doesn't matter so much any more. A great example of incentivizing a goal is school grades. Students mostly don't care about learning the topic so much as they do learning what they must to get a good grade on the test.

External Motivation

An external motivation is one that comes from outside of you. For example, you may be motivated to work so that you earn money. It would be nice if you were simply motivated to work because you know it's the right thing to do and you love it; however that's not always the case.

External motivators can be used effectively to change things about yourself -- things that you are internally motivated to change. Or you can use them to help your children. We must be careful not to turn these things into bribes. If our child wants to change but is having a hard time, then the external motivators can help. If our child wanted to learn something new, but got bogged down in the hard work, external motivators can help. We must use our "spiritual eyes" to know when incentives would be helpful rather than forceful.

In the book, “Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success
”, the authors say there are 6 main categories that help us:
Personal motivation, personal ability, social motivation and social ability, structural motivation and structural ability. If we can employ all 6 areas, then we are more likely to be able to have success in change.

Personal motivation is the internal motivation. And again, this is most important because if you’re not personally motivated to change, you won’t. To have a bright vision of our future is best. But it might take us envisioning the future of how we’ll be if we DON’T change. (Diapers when you’re 17?)

Personal Ability - Willpower is just one of the skills needed to accomplish something. Other skills may need to be taught. Sometimes children really do have a hard time because they don’t have the skill to accomplish the task. That’s where parents come in - to teach how to do things. (However, if your three year old does not have personal motivation or care that his pants or wet or will not even sit on the potty, it will be difficult to teach the skills.)

Social motivation / ability - Positive peer pressure is a good thing. Sometimes you need to distance yourself form bad examples. Accountability meetings, or have someone reminding you. Inspections. Parents and family can be cheerleaders. (We have been cheering for anyone who will sit on a potty! An older son has been shooting cheerios in the toilet for a rather disinterested little brother)

Structural motivation - This is where sticker charts and rewards come into play. Sticker charts can be a great temporary motivator for training of skills. (The sticker chart worked great for teaching my 3 yo to stay in bed; not motivating enough for potty training.) Sometimes you may have to invert the economy - you tell the child they get a jar with $2 in dimes at the beginning of the week, but for every time they do or don’t do something, you take a dime out. At the end of the week, what is left is theirs.

Structural Ability - Controlling your space - put visual cues all around (Snickerdoodle just kicks the potty over. Still lacks the personal motivation.)

Internal Motivation

How do we help motivate our children to WANT to do the right things?

There are two basic modes of motivation: internal and external. When motivation comes internally, or in other words, YOU choose to do something, that is powerful motivation. In the homeschool world, there are a set of principles taught by "Thomas Jefferson Education" (aka TJED). One of these principles is "inspire, not require." Internal motivation is why TJED tells us to inspire our kids in their education rather than require them to do things.

Unfortunately, I think because TJED made all of their principles into catchy phrases, the principles are sometimes misunderstood. "Inspire, not require" doesn’t really mean to NEVER require. There are different times and stages in which we must require. God has things he requires of us, but he allows us the agency as to whether or not we will obey. However, it is best when we can inspire our children to WANT to do things.

To internally motivate our children, we must give your children a good reason why they should do something and then allow them the agency to choose to do it. When you feel like something is your idea, you are much more interested in doing it!

You can give them daily reasons to do things, such as “You can’t play until your chores are finished,” but the best way to help children choose to fulfill their stewardships is to continually be talking about the big picture of life. Tell them why these things are helpful in Heavenly Father’s plan. Tell them they have a personal mission that God wants them to fulfill, and the more prepared they are now, the better they’ll be in being able to accomplish their missions. Continually remind them that they are children of God. They cannot ultimately fail if they are doing the Lord’s work. Teach them that they are heroes when they keep going in adversity. Teach them about the hero’s journey, and point it out in real life and in literature and compare it to them.

I have not yet figured out how to help my three year old decide for himself that potty training is actually a really good idea. He hasn’t fit in how it might affect his mission in life yet.

Sometimes we must require things of children, such as church attendance. But they still have the choice as to whether or not they’ll have a good attitude. Or chores - they have the choice to fulfill their chore or reap the consequences. When it comes to education, the more inspire, the better.

Luckily all is not lost if you have required when maybe you shouldn't have. People can still change their minds and decide they want to do things for themselves.

Stewardship Perspective

Part 4 of the Stewardship series.

I believe that when parents have a perspective of teaching stewardship to their children, it helps you to be more calm. No need to feel angry when a child acts out.

My son Oatmeal was a rather defiant child when he was younger. He spent a lot of time in time out. At first I would resent the interruptions in our day that was made when I had to discipline him. But the perspective that I was helping him learn stewardship over his emotions made me feel calm because I was doing my job! He wasn't doing things to annoy me; rather he hadn't learned the lesson yet.