External Motivation

An external motivation is one that comes from outside of you. For example, you may be motivated to work so that you earn money. It would be nice if you were simply motivated to work because you know it's the right thing to do and you love it; however that's not always the case.

External motivators can be used effectively to change things about yourself -- things that you are internally motivated to change. Or you can use them to help your children. We must be careful not to turn these things into bribes. If our child wants to change but is having a hard time, then the external motivators can help. If our child wanted to learn something new, but got bogged down in the hard work, external motivators can help. We must use our "spiritual eyes" to know when incentives would be helpful rather than forceful.

In the book, “Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success
”, the authors say there are 6 main categories that help us:
Personal motivation, personal ability, social motivation and social ability, structural motivation and structural ability. If we can employ all 6 areas, then we are more likely to be able to have success in change.

Personal motivation is the internal motivation. And again, this is most important because if you’re not personally motivated to change, you won’t. To have a bright vision of our future is best. But it might take us envisioning the future of how we’ll be if we DON’T change. (Diapers when you’re 17?)

Personal Ability - Willpower is just one of the skills needed to accomplish something. Other skills may need to be taught. Sometimes children really do have a hard time because they don’t have the skill to accomplish the task. That’s where parents come in - to teach how to do things. (However, if your three year old does not have personal motivation or care that his pants or wet or will not even sit on the potty, it will be difficult to teach the skills.)

Social motivation / ability - Positive peer pressure is a good thing. Sometimes you need to distance yourself form bad examples. Accountability meetings, or have someone reminding you. Inspections. Parents and family can be cheerleaders. (We have been cheering for anyone who will sit on a potty! An older son has been shooting cheerios in the toilet for a rather disinterested little brother)

Structural motivation - This is where sticker charts and rewards come into play. Sticker charts can be a great temporary motivator for training of skills. (The sticker chart worked great for teaching my 3 yo to stay in bed; not motivating enough for potty training.) Sometimes you may have to invert the economy - you tell the child they get a jar with $2 in dimes at the beginning of the week, but for every time they do or don’t do something, you take a dime out. At the end of the week, what is left is theirs.

Structural Ability - Controlling your space - put visual cues all around (Snickerdoodle just kicks the potty over. Still lacks the personal motivation.)